I understand your frustration.
I ended up doing the whole thing myself, which allowed me to fully customize the UI + it even ran a bit better (even in release mode) than the native picker when you scrolled.
You can check my take:
https://github.com/oblakr24/KMPDatePicker
Deployed as Compose WASM here:
https://oblakr24.github.io/KMPDatePicker/
Not meant to be as a library, but the point is it's not that hard to do it yourself as soon as you find yourself wasting too much energy trying to make the official lib to conform to your usecase.